BXBX NOVEL Chapter 1269 - Oni's Resolve (4)
Out on the driveway, Jesse stood next to the car and observed Oni saying her goodbyes to everyone. She gave Sarah a big hug before heading down the stairs toward him.
Jesse saw Oni walk awkwardly and Sarah rushing to support her.
Only then Jesse noticed that something is off with Oni\'s feet. She was wearing long loose pants, and when she extended her foot to take the next step, he could see the gauze. Somehow, he remembered Aiden collecting slippers last night and Jesse wondered if that is related. Were those Oni\'s slippers? What were they doing in the garden? Why are her feet bandaged?
Jesse offered his hand to help Oni get in the car and Oni ignored it.
He wondered, did Oni do that on purpose? Or was she occupied while talking to Sarah and she didn\'t notice?
Jesse remembered that during breakfast, Oni didn\'t talk to him, which is unusual because she is always chatty and smiling and happy and now she is not. That confirmed what he knew already: that she knows that last night he went to Marija\'s room and she is not happy about it.
Jesse wondered, why does it feel like the weather is cloudy when there is not a single cloud in the sky? Is it because Oni is not smiling?
They both waved to the group of people in front of the Chateau as Jesse drove away.
…
Sarah watched the car get smaller before it disappeared behind the trees and she sighed.
Aiden hugged Sarah from the back. "It will be OK.", he murmured in her hair and kissed the back of her head.
"Oh! How lovey-dovey from early morning.", Marija teased them. It was obvious that she is in a good mood.
"Shut up!", Sarah snapped.
Marija lifted her eyebrows in surprise. Why is Sarah so hostile?
"Let\'s postpone our first meeting by half an hour.", Aiden said while leading Sarah inside.
Aiden closed the door of the study behind them and looked at Sarah who sat on the nearest chair and hid her face in her palms.
"Sarah…", he called.
"I know.", Sarah interrupted him. "I know… I know… But I can\'t help it."
Aiden squatted in front of Sarah and moved her hands so that he can see her face. His heart cracked when he saw that her eyes are red, and she is trying not to cry.
He sat on the floor and pulled Sarah to sit in his lap while wrapping his arms around her.
"Jesse was Oni\'s everything…", Sarah said weakly. "Just how you are mine. If I saw you going like that with another woman, I would die on the inside. And I looked at Oni this morning… her eyes had no light in them…" Sarah\'s last words were lost in sobs.
Aiden rubbed Sarah\'s back gently and spoke softly close to her ear. "I remember that I was out for three months, and you found your motivation to keep going. Oni is a strong girl. I am confident that she will find her resolve and not give up on herself."
Sarah nodded in agreement, but her tears kept pouring. She was unable to forget images of Oni from the previous night, how they found her in the forest and later in the room.
Sarah was crying instead of a heartbroken sixteen-year-old girl who is acting like a grown-up by saying that she will do this mission and not fail… no matter how much she is aching on the inside.
…
Jesse is driving the car with Oni next to him in the passenger seat, and the drive is uncomfortably silent.
After almost an hour Jesse glanced at Oni and noticed that she has earbuds on, and her eyes are closed. He assumed that she is listening to some music, but her expression was unreadable, and he could not tell if she is enjoying the music or not. Jesse took this opportunity to steal glances of Oni and he saw that her feet are wrapped in gauze and that she has bandages on her arms and there is a scratch on her cheek and one above her eyebrow. But even with those scratches, her profile is still perfect.
Jesse cleared his throat few times, in an attempt to get Oni\'s attention. Seeing that it\'s not successful, he reached and touched fingers of her left hand which made Oni jerk in surprise.
She removed one earbud and looked at him half-angrily and half-questionably, silently asking him why he is disturbing her.
"How did you get those injuries?", Jesse asked while keeping his eyes on the road.
"I fell.", Oni responded curtly and was about to put her earbud back in, when she heard him speak again.
"It must have been a nasty fall."
"Only superficial injuries. My condition is not going to jeopardize the mission."
"I was more worried about you than the mission."
Oni almost choked on the air in her lungs. If he said those words before last night, she would dissolve from happiness. But now she only feels ache. Oni did her best to hide her emotional turmoil. "Thank you. But it\'s not necessary."
"Is there a need to be so… official?"
Oni told herself that it\'s now or never. It\'s time to draw the line.
She took a deep breath and spoke: "Jesse, we don\'t need to pretend that there is anything between us other than… official. Don\'t force yourself to be polite. I assure you that my injuries will not impact my performance and I will execute my part as we planned. I appreciate everything you taught me so far, but I think that you should know that I requested from Sarah and Aiden for this to be our last mission together. I hope that you find a more competent partner going forward. Someone who will need less coaching and who will not hold you back."
Jesse listened to Oni\'s words and each of them pounded into his head repeatedly and he felt like the surroundings are getting darker. He heard her pain and he understood that this is Oni telling him that she had enough. She refuses to follow him and shine light on his life. Because he hurt her. Because he is selfish… just like Aiden said. She is pure and he is not.
Jesse told himself not to fall apart. This is for the best. Oni will find someone who is complete and who can give her his unconditional love, because he is not the man who can do that. Even without his occasional hookups he still has his dead lover (aka Jesse) in his heart, and he will never be able to give Oni what she deserves.
Oni waited for few seconds for Jesse to respond, but he didn\'t say anything. It\'s not like she expected him to say something. She put her earbud back and turned her head toward the window. She was not interested in the view, but she wanted to hide her face from him, just in case if those tears start flowing again.
This was harder than she thought it will be. Her heart is still aching like crazy, but she is not crying. Oni wondered if she ran out of tears.
Oni thought about it and concluded that this is the best solution: stay away from Jesse.
Her heart is hanging on a single thread and if she sees Jesse with another woman again, that thread will snap, and she will collapse completely.
Oni went through a lot as a child. She saw violence and how ruthless people can be and she survived long enough to be saved by Sarah and Aiden.
Oni told herself that she owes to Sarah and Aiden to stand tall and proud and not to give up on herself just because the man her heart is set on is not returning her feelings.
The fact is that she gave her heart to Jesse and he threw it away. Everything around her is dark and desolate, but she will keep on moving, and reach a place which is colorful and full of smiles.
Oni promised to herself that she will find a way to enjoy her life and make Sarah and Aiden proud.
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