BXBX NOVEL Chapter 898 - You Are Worth It
Ellie woke up early next morning, it was still dark outside. Even with the lights off it took her less than a second to recognize that she is in her bed, in her villa. Everything was fine except that she was missing something. Something important… Previous week she is spending every night with Jasper and when she wakes up, she finds herself in his arms. So far Ellie didn\'t realize that she got used to his hold so much that it feels almost painful not to feel him near her.
Memories of previous night flashed in her mind and a bitter feeling swept over her.
Jasper found out about her role in EY and he was a jerk about it, and she spoke to him with an intention to explain and fix things, but ended up leaving. And then he saw her crying and brought her to her villa. Seeing that she is sleeping in the dress from previous night, he probably got her all the way to the bed. And because she woke up alone, she can assume that he left.
Great. Just great. Now what?
Well, maybe this is better. He is not here, she will not call him or return his calls (if he makes any) and eventually things will go back to normal. No matter how much her heart aches, it will get better, eventually... it has to.
She is a fully grown independent woman, and she does not need to tie herself to a man whose first impulse is to do some petty punishment just because he feels wronged. No matter how sweet and handsome and caring he is most of the time, if he is going to act out his insecurities like this… it\'s not worth it. She has her own self-esteem and she will NOT allow him to bully her. Dunderhead.
"DUNDERHEAD!", Ellie screamed.
There was a thud followed by a muffled "Ow".
Ellie was startled. She quickly got into a seated position and turned on the bedside light.
"Why are you here?", Ellie asked Jasper who was slowly getting off the floor.
Based on his position and a half-drowsy state, he slept on the sofa and her \'dunderhead\' scream jolted him out of his sleep… and he ended up falling on the floor.
Jasper stumbled toward the bed and landed on his knees.
"Good morning.", he wished her with a faint smile.
He can see that she is glaring at him, but at least she is not crying... and he thought that is a good thing.
"My morning didn\'t start good. Why are you here?"
"I couldn\'t leave. I wanted to, after I covered you up and turned off the lights… but I couldn\'t.", Jasper admitted.
Ellie narrowed her eyes at him while thinking: how can he act so sweetly and innocently after last night? Does he think that his smile can get him out of every trouble? Is he counting that because she loves him she will forgive him whatever he does? He has another thing coming for him…"What stopped you? You got what you wanted. You even got to play with me. And you said that you need time to cool off. Well, why are you here? Go cool off. Cool off yourself from me. Go, live your life happily and find yourself another toy!"
"Ellie, don\'t do this."
Ellie can see the pain in his eyes, but she is hurting also. Doesn\'t that count? Will he go and pull some twisted revenge schemes whenever he feels like it? Does he know how he made her feel? The more she thought about it the more her expression twisted with anger.
"Do, what? I\'m just repeating your words from last night. Does it sound worse when I say it? I should have just got out of the car. I don\'t know why I even tried explaining myself to you. Why do you care if I own EY or not? How is that impacting you? Sure, I didn\'t correct you whenever you assumed that I have a boss, but I never meant to hurt you. But you did. What you did last night was with an intention to hurt me. Instead of asking for an explanation, your impulse was to HURT ME! Did you enjoy your little revenge? Getting me fired up and leaving me hanging just to prove your point? You knew that I have trust issues, and that you are my first, and you still went ahead and did it. And for fuck\'s sake, it worked because I can still feel your touch and it\'s disgusting. Do you know how I feel? Dirty. Violated. Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted? Now GET OUT!"
Jasper\'s chin trembled for a second before he climbed on the bed swiftly and embraced Ellie tightly.
"What are you doing? I said… get out!" Ellie struggled. Unsuccessfully.
"No. Ellie, listen. Please, calm down and listen.", he pleaded.
"Let go of me!" No matter how much she kicked, he is stronger. He blocked her movements with ease.
"No. I need you to listen first." Jasper felt that she stopped struggling. "Ellie, I made a mistake. A horrible mistake. I don\'t expect you to forgive me, at least not right now, but I\'m begging you to give me another chance. If I leave now, both of us will regret it for the rest of our lives."
Ellie turned her head away from him. She was angry at herself that even at a moment like this his hug and his warmth and his breath on her cheek… feel good. "How do you know if I will regret it or not?"
"I know that you are hurting and that your heart wants to forgive me, but your brain is saying that you should not because I am a jerk. And you probably already dumped me in the same bin with every other jerk who came your way because you believe that if you forgive me, I will just hurt you again. You believe that if we keep our distance you will eventually forget about me or at least your heart will stop aching. But it will not get better, because what we have is not just some fling. If I leave, it will get worse, much worse… and in time our stubbornness will grow as well. And we will end up apart and stubborn and heartbroken and with wrong people who can\'t fill up the space which got created when we split up."
Ellie can\'t deny what he said. Except for the future talk which she can\'t confirm, he is pretty much spot on. "Jasper, I can\'t go through this again."
Jasper felt that Ellie is giving in. At least a little bit. "There won\'t be again. Because I can\'t go through it again either. It will take time to patch up things between us, but I\'m ready to work on it. Because you are worth it. We are worth it. I promise that I will be patient and if I ever suspect that anything is wrong I will talk to you about it. And whatever you said that you still need to tell me, I will wait. On your terms. Because I know that you will not take advantage of my trust and that you have your reasons for not telling me things now… and I will respect those reasons. Just please, give me another chance. Don\'t push me away. I need you. Ellie, I need you. And I know that you need me too."
Jasper released his hold slowly and looked at Ellie\'s face. Her eyes are closed and there is are two streams of tears, one on each cheek.
He gently wiped away her tears and continued talking: "If there is such a thing as soulmates, you are mine. I\'ve never felt this good just by being close to someone. When I met you, it didn\'t feel like I\'m meeting someone new, it felt like I am having an overdue reunion with the person who is the most important in my life. And last night when I wanted to leave, my heart ached. I knew that you will be angry and that it\'s probably the best idea to keep my distance for some time, but I couldn\'t. I could not force myself to make one step outside that door because I love you. Ellie, I love you so much that it scares me. I desperately crave for your proximity and I am willing to do anything just to stay by your side."
Jasper saw that she stopped resisting. Not just physically, but mentally as well. He sighed in relief with knowledge that his words reached her.
Ellie cried silently and he patiently kissed each of her tears away until there was no more left. And then he placed a gentle kiss on her lips, and she kissed him back.
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