BXBX NOVEL Chapter 167 - What Do I Want? (2)
Sophia was staring at Felix when she realized that only a bathrobe is covering her body. Nervously she grabbed edges of the bathrobe pulling them together, and asked, "Why are you here?"
Felix remembered that he was in front of her apartment for a long time before sending her a text, and he thought about how he is going to apologize, how he is going to fix things… but then she said that she missed him, and she is standing in front of him, covered only in a bathrobe… and he forgot what he wanted to say. Felix knows that he had a plan, but he does not remember what it is. The only thing he can do is improvise. He stepped toward her, making her take a step back reflexively. He closed the door behind him and looked her in the eyes for few seconds before responding. "You said you missed me."
Sophia's eyes widened. She wanted to disappear from Earth due to embarrassment she felt at that time.
Felix noticed that she is uncomfortable. He wanted her to admit her feelings, to tell herself and to him... that she wants him. He slightly leaned toward her. "Didn't you... miss me?"
His husky voice made her shiver. Sophia held her breath. She missed him so much that it hurt... but she could not say it. She was always strong, without weak points. Admitting that she missed him means admitting her weakness. That is something she can't allow to happen.
Sophia collected herself and launched her counterattack: "And what about you? Didn't you come here only minutes after I sent the text? You were waiting in front, for me to respond... Doesn't that mean that you wanted to see me?"
Felix smiled and shook his head. He expected her to retaliate. The only way for Sophia to open up is to show her how it looks like. Felix decided to be honest with her, no games, no tricks... just the truth. He took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes. "I don't have a problem admitting that I'm standing in front of your apartment for more than an hour. It took me a lot of time to gather enough courage to text you, fearing what your response will be. After sending the text, I was contemplating if I should come up and ring the doorbell or keep waiting or go home. When I finally received your response, I was not able to hold back and rang the doorbell. Because I wanted to see you. Badly..." He observed how her expression changed.
Sophia was surprised when she heard him openly say that he is insecure.
Felix was now confident that he is on his way to achieve his goal. He smiled, and his hand brushed her cheek. "See? I can say what is on my mind. Being open like this, it's terrifying and liberating at the same time." His other hand took a damp strand of her hair, and he played with it for few seconds before continuing: "After all this time with you, I'm still waiting to hear what you are thinking. What are your desires? I can only hope that it's in my power to make them come true." His eyes conveyed sincerity. Felix wanted to make her happy.
Sophia held her breath. She thought that he will play more games with her, she didn't expect to hear that... Sophia can tell that he was honest. She shook her head helplessly before admitting, "I don't know what to do."
He was relieved to see that she finally said what is on her mind. Even if she does not know what to do, acknowledging it is a step forward. He wants her to make the next step and realize her desires. "Start by being honest with yourself and me. Tell me, what do you want?"
"What do I want?" Sophia's expression was complex. She lowered her head while thinking, 'What do I want? Do I want to be rational and make decisions because of how logical choices are, or do I want to do what my heart tells me?' She recollected how she always used her reason to make decisions, but with Felix, using reason only caused her to be confused. Related to Felix, primal instincts awakened within her, and overtook control over her mind and body. Every time she wanted to act against those instincts, she suffered. There is no way that she can resist her urges and not suffer. Her options narrowed down to two. On one side she has option to fight her desires and suffer. On other side she can give in and have a chance of experiencing love, maybe even a happy ending...?
Felix observed her intently. He wished that he invented a mind reading machine so that he can see what is going through her mind. Anticipation was making him anxious. He was not sure what to expect. Sophia is like a mystery jack-in-the-box; he never knows what will jump out. Will she chase him out, or kiss him... or something in between?
Sophia raised her head and looked him in the eyes with determination. She made her choice.
"First thing I want is your phone", Sophia extended her hand.
"My phone?", Felix was confused. He imagined many things… but none of them was that she will take his phone away.
Sophia nodded and looked at her empty palm. Felix reluctantly took phone out of his coat pocket and placed it in Sophia's palm. She kept both his and hers phones on the side table next to the entry, turned around and removed his coat, placing it on a nearby chair.
Sophia took Felix's hand and led the way to her bedroom, towards the bed. When he sat on the side of the bed as she instructed him, she went back to the door, locked it and took the key out. She walked to the built-in storage and opened one section which contains a safe. After entering the digital code, door of the safe opened, Sophia placed the key inside and closed the safe door locking the key inside.
Sophia turned around and faced Felix. "Second thing I want.... is to see if you can leave me hanging again."