BXBX NOVEL Chapter 204 - First Argument
John was enraged by her statement, even if he knew she wisecracked only the thought of imagining her with other men made him squint. If she was someone that he didn\'t love as much as he loved her he would undoubtfully punish her or leave her for having dared to say something like that.
He flicked his eyes away trying to recompose himself both inwardly and externally by repeating she was joking and trying to calm his inner bestial self from blurting out.
Roselyn frowned her forehead, cocking her head to the side, "come on." She hissed, attempting another effort, this time a sweeter approach. She took few rushed steps forward, to stretch for his arm and turn in around.
John inadvertently scoffed losing his patience, and Roselyn offended by his sudden coldness and refusal released her grip letting his hand. "Alright." She said, her voice held an edge of sternness.
She turned around and walked toward the door, making sure she was weighing on each step she took to make him deduce and perceive her already obvious anger. But John, unlike her predictions and hopes didn\'t stop her from storming off. He neither tried to apologize or talk to her like he usually did. He just stared at her blankly with an aching heavy heart in his chest.
He wanted to stop her, to tell her the reasons why he didn\'t want to reveal to her what he did with the past girls he had but he knew an explanation would only inflame her fury even more. He took a resigned breath the issues they had were always the same, she couldn\'t accept he had been a man with a vast number of suitors and lovers. And both her inexperience and her insecurities were making her feel inadequate to his demands.
"I will go send the letters myself," John screamed to be heard from Roselyn but he received no answer making him scoff and roll his eyes.
"I go then." He replied to himself before taking one step toward the door and opening it only to find Roselyn standing in front of it. She laid her hand over the floor as she leaned onto it balancing her weight on her arm.
"I don\'t want to have maids that are the same person you have been with." She said, her voice chattered. She knew that if she was already paranoid she would be even more upset by seeing them every day and would end up comparing herself to them.
John pressed his hand over his forehead exhausted by the argument, "what\'s the problem, Rose?" He said, scoffing one more time.
"Isn\'t it clear enough? I don\'t want to live with women who shared a past with you." She burst out, she could feel the blood boiling through her veins seeing John unable to understand her reasons but acting like there was nothing wrong with that made her even more furious.
"We have a problem here," John said shaking his head and massaging his temples.
"Finally you get it." Roselyn took a deep nervous breath.
"You don\'t trust me, you will never do." John finished his sentence resigned glowering at Roselyn in anger and disappointment.
"I do trust you." Roselyn said narrowing her eyes, "I asked you to experience so that I would feel equal to them but you refuse it." Roselyn spat, losing her patience, "I want to satisfy you as much as they did not feel left out." She admitted trying to calm her nerves.
"I will never do it the same way I did with them so give up," John said stepping by her.
"Why? You\'re afraid I am not strong enough to bear a few ropes or bondage?" Roselyn questioned curving her eyebrows and raising her voice.
"It\'s not that." John turned around now fully losing his patience and irritated.
"Then what is it? You afraid I would bleed and that blood would make you lose control? You already bit me then what\'s the problem?" Roselyn insisted as she blubbered out words and her tone of a voice raised even more.
"You\'re afraid to hurt me? How considerate. You weren\'t afraid to kill people when you knew I could experience dark visions." Roselyn kept gesturing as her eyes filled with tears for her nervousness.
John ignored her as he felt anger immersing him and his vision blurred as he tried to control his patience, he knew that if he would get too angry he wouldn\'t be able to control himself anymore
He rashed toward the door and slammed it close as he left the residence in the middle of the first real quarrel they had.
As soon as the door slammed close and she remained alone in their residence she wondered if she did something wrong, maybe she overreacted? Or she said things she shouldn\'t have said? Probably both the things, she blurted out but the anger didn\'t dissipate. On the contrary, she turned even more furious when she pictured him meeting those ladies again to send the letters, but the thing she disliked, even more, was his refusal to make her experience.
He never complained before nor did he ask her twice before fold binding her or tying her, she knew already that world, maybe she wasn\'t as expert as him still she pushed her limit and got outside her comfort zone. Why would he all of a sudden take steps back and change his mind?
In the chaos her mind was in she couldn\'t come out with a clear justification for his behavior,
she knew she should trust him more and work on her confidence more since he never gave her any sign of detachment yet a knot in her stomach formed as soon as in her mind she visioned John with another lady even if she was part of his past.. She hated how that weird feeling people called jealousy made her feel, to suspect every movement every word, and to question whether you are enough for him.