BXBX NOVEL Chapter 4543 A Different Preoccupation
"You need to make a decision. By that I mean a real decision about your future goals and purpose. You've been getting by with flimsy excuses that satisfy your need for answers for only a while until your thoughts stray back to your doubts again. Do you know why you keep bouncing back to the same dilemmas that have been plaguing you for so long?"
"...Is it because I'm unwilling to give an honest answer to the questions in my heart?"
Ketis shook her head. "It's because you are being too selfish. You are so set on making all of these decisions alone that you are forgetting about your greatest strength. You have always been stronger when you work together with others. I am always here for you, Joshua. More importantly, the Everchanger is also willing and able to help. You only have to ask."
Venerable Joshua widened his eyes.
"Of course! How could I forget about my mech?! My reason for fighting should never exclude the feelings of my living mech. How could I have forgotten about what the Everchanger wants in its life?"
"I imagine that the Everchanger doesn't want to impose its demands on you." Ketis guessed. "Mechs aren't meant to inconvenience people's lives. If you consider your machine to be a tool, then there is nothing wrong with that. If you want your mech to be a true partner in crime, then you need to stop thinking about yourself and start bringing those close to you into your decision making process. You might not be able to get through these challenges by yourself, but there are smarter people out there that can do the thinking on your behalf."
Joshua nodded at this argument even though he was still cognizant enough to recognize its flaws.
"I would have to trust that the people that I depend upon are reliable and competent enough."
"That is true. The ability to discern both of these traits is the mark of a good leader."
"You want me to become a leader?"
"Everyone with a sufficient amount of power becomes a leader sooner or later." Ketis stated. "I have learned that lesson myself as I have taken on more and more responsibilities after I became a Journeyman and a swordmaster. The stronger we become, the more we can do, yet we always find ourselves in situations where we just don't have enough. These are the times where we learn we can leverage our strength to build up a powerbase."
Venerable Joshua found it difficult to imagine himself doing so. Sure, he had led or organized small squads and teams in the past, but he was mostly moving with the flow in those cases.
"I have never really proactively done such a thing." He told his wife.
Ketis smirked.
"Then this is a good time for you to start. It will take your mind off the big stuff that has been bothering you again. Set a goal post that you can reach in the medium term rather than in the long term. You need something to work towards to drive you forward without leading you to make enemies out of everyone. I can think of no better way of doing so than by starting your own clique. By forming a large and productive organization that answers to you and caters to your every whim, you effectively have a force multiplier at your disposal. You can get ten times, a hundred times or even a thousand times as much work done than if you try anything solo."
A moment of silence ensued as Joshua mulled over her proposal. It was not in his nature to start and lead an organization of his own, but he did not have any reason to object to it. As long as his activities did not clash with his existing duties and responsibilities, he figured it was alright to everyone.
After spending a bit of company with his wife and children, he moved over to the hangar bay where his trusty old Everchanger stood dormantly alongside a couple of other mechs and expert mechs.
Though the machines all looked as if they had completely shut down, Venerable Joshua could clearly sense the liveliness hidden beneath their frames.
The Everchanger and its living mech buddies were probably socializing within the virtual environment of the Mental Simulation Training System.
Although the patriarch originally created the MSTS to serve as a much more accurate and realistic training simulator, it also served as an excellent base for many other intricate functions.
Dedicated research and development teams were constantly developing more and more functionality to the spiritual platform, although Joshua had heard it was difficult for the developers to make any direct alterations of the MSTS.
As soon as Joshua activated a command that automatically caused his expert mech to open up an entrance to the cockpit, the Everchanger pulled out of the MSTS and greeted its battle partner.
"JOSHUA." The speakers boomed a masculine synthesized voice. "YOU ARE BACK AGAIN. THE FLEET IS STILL ENGAGED IN FTL TRAVEL, SO THERE ARE NO PATROLS ON THE AGENDA."
"Can't I pay a visit to you because I wanted to hang out with you for once?"
"YOU ARE NOT JANNZI. YOU RARELY DID SO IN THE PAST, AND YOU HAVE STOPPED SPENDING YOUR FREE TIME WITH ME AFTER YOU HAVE BECOME A FATHER. YOUR CHILDREN HAVE A MUCH GREATER DEMAND FOR YOUR ATTENTION."
Joshua grew warm as he appreciated his battle partner's concern. "Thank you for your understanding, but that doesn't mean I should neglect all of my friends. Ketis is dropping Kirian and Mayra off at daycare at the moment, so we have plenty of time to talk."
The eyes of the Everchanger briefly flashed. "I CAN TELL YOU HAVE A SERIOUS DISCUSSION IN MIND. YOUR MOOD AND WILLPOWER INDICATES AS MUCH.'
"I had a good talk with Ketis and a few other people. I've been thinking about my reasons for fighting again."
"AH. AGAIN. YOU WERE DOING FINE IN THE PAST MONTHS. I THOUGHT YOU WOULDN'T HAVE A RELAPSE IN AT LEAST A YEAR."
The fact that even his living mech thought that Joshua would backslide again did not make him happy.
"Maybe you're right, but I attended a therapy session with the Gemini Saints of sorts. They forced me to confront the issues that I had supposedly solved but not really. It turns out that I can't dodge my problem by deciding that I should stand up for our clan first before anyone else. It's a lazy copout that won't get me far enough."
"HM, THAT IS LIKELY CORRECT. SO WHY HAVE YOU COME?"
"I've tried to figure out a more effective way to keep me going, but I haven't been able to figure out anything by myself. Ketis has tried to help me out but she told me that since I am so good at working together with others, I should turn this into a group project. She told me it would be a good idea to bring you into the loop since you know me so well."
"YOUR WIFE IS RIGHT."
The two talked a bit more until the Everchanger understood exactly what Joshua needed.
The mech fell into a brief silence as it began to process a lot of data.
"OKAY. I HAVE A SUGGESTION." The Everchanger spoke.
"Hit me." Joshua siad.
"YOU WANT TO MAKE THE COSMOS A BETTER PLACE, RIGHT? YOU WANT AS MANY INTELLIGENT HUMANS AND ALIENS AS POSSIBLE TO STOP FIGHTING SENSELESS WARS AGAINST EACH OTHER AND START HOLDING HANDS WHILE LIVING IN COMPLETE HARMONY WITH EACH OTHER?"
"Yeah, that is basically it." Joshua reluctantly admitted as he readied himself to ridicule. "It probably sounds crazy to a mech that is designed to become an ultimate fighting machine."
"I RESPECT YOUR DREAM." The Everchanger surprisingly responded. "DON'T FORGET WHO DESIGNED AND MADE ME. THE CLAN PATRIARCH INSTILLED ME WITH LIFE AS WELL AS HIS LOVE FOR LIFE. I AM NO STRANGER TO CRAZINESS. YOU MAY BE MAD FOR TRYING TO FIGHT AGAINST THE STATUS QUO THAT IS UNIVERSAL AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED, BUT WHAT DOES IT MATTER? MECH PILOTS MUST STRIVE FOR SOMETHING, AND YOUR GOAL IS AT LEAST ON THE NOBLE AND BENEVOLENT SIDE."
Joshua felt touched again. His expert mech continually conveyed its support and approval towards the pilot.
"I… thank you for that, but I need more than a few words of encouragement."
"I KNOW. I WASN'T FINISHED YET. YOUR WIFE HAS MADE A NUMBER OF GOOD SUGGESTIONS, SO MUCH SO THAT IT GOT ME THINKING. SINCE YOUR ULTIMATE AMBITION IS TOO FAR AWAY AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT ANY MORE IMMEDIATE GOALS TO WORK TOWARDS, WHY NOT HELP OTHERS FULFILL THEIR DREAMS IN THE MEANTIME?"
"Huh?"
"YOU CAN CHOOSE TO FIGHT AND WORK ON BEHALF OF OTHERS AS LONG AS THEIR GOALS ALIGN WITH YOURS. YOU CAN START BY USING YOUR INFLUENCE AND YOUR CLOUT TO HELP ME AND OTHER LIVING MECHS. WE HAVE BEEN LOYAL MEMBERS OF YOUR CLAN FOR SUCH A LONG TIME, YET WE ONLY RECEIVED BASIC ACCOMMODATIONS UP UNTIL THIS POINT. THERE IS STILL A LONG WAY TO GO BEFORE WE FEEL THAT WE ARE FULLY FLEDGED MEMBERS OF THE LARKINSON CLAN."
This was going too fast for Joshua. He sat up straighter on his piloting seat.
"You want me to advocate for living mechs? Why me? I don't know a single thing about politics. That has always been obsession for Jannzi and the…"
The young man trailed off as he realized why the living mechs couldn't count on those two individuals anymore.
A pulse of sadness and regret flowed through the Everchanger.
"THE SHIELD OF SAMAR HAD BIG PLANS IN MIND. THE LIVING MECH ALREADY SCHEDULED ANOTHER MEETING WITH THE CHIEF MINISTERS IN ORDER TO DEBATE ON ITS PROPOSAL TO SET UP NEW MINISTRY. IT HAD BEEN TRYING TO GET THE LEADERSHIP TO CHANGE ITS STANCE ON THIS ISSUE FOR YEARS, AND IT HAD COME CLOSER THAN EVER TO CONVINCING YOU STUBBORN HUMANS TO MAKE A CLEAR GESTURE OF SUPPORT."
"A gesture of support?"
"THE SHIELD OF SAMAR MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO BECOME THE FIRST NON-HUMAN MINISTER OF THE LARKINSON CLAN. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO US. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN INSPIRING SIGHT TO ALL OF OUR KIND. BY ELEVATING A LIVING MECH TO AN EXECUTIVE POSITION WITHIN THE CLAN, YOU HUMANS WOULD SHOW THAT YOU TRULY TREAT US AS INDIVIDUALS."
This sounded like an extremely radical and dangerous course of action to Joshua! Even he knew enough about the Big Two to know that putting 'AIs' in leadership positions was a great taboo in human society. He fully understood why the current leaders of the clan had tried to push this issue aside.
Yet… was it right for the clan to deny living mechs true representation?
Sure, their daily lives had improved remarkably after the clan finally became aware that living mechs also possessed complex desires, but it was clear that a lot more needed to be done.
Joshua began to warm up to the idea. In fact, he embraced this responsibility!
"I think… I might be able to work with this! It's just…"
"WHAT IS IT, JOSHUA?"
"Isn't this supposed to be Jannzi's job? She has more free time than any other expert pilot and I know that she was really passionate about this stuff. I thought she would have liked to take over the mantle from her late expert mech."
"JANNZI IS TOO LOST IN HER TRAUMA TO UNDERTAKE SUCH A RESPONSIBILITY. SHE STILL NEEDS HELP, AND AS LONG AS THAT IS THE CASE, SHE IS IN NO CONDITION TO HELP OTHERS. BESIDES, MY FELLOW LIVING MECHS AND I BELIEVE THAT WE ARE BETTER OFF IF YOU ARE THE ONE TO LEAD THIS INITIATIVE."
"Why?"
"EVERYONE LIKES YOU, UNLIKE JANNZI. YOU HAVE A MUCH BETTER CHANCE OF GETTING YOUR DEMANDS MET AS YOU DO NOT HAVE A HABIT OF PISSING OFF THE PEOPLE WHO HOLD MOST OF THE REINS OF POWER."
"...That's true."