BXBX NOVEL Chapter 258 - Not Wrong
«I don't... I don't have a husband.»
«Oh, I see. And the children's father? Where is he? Is he part of the problem you're trying to solve?»
«He's with us. And he's definitely part of the story. If not for him, I wouldn't have known I'm wrong.»
«You're not wrong, Lara. At most, there might be something to solve with you. But that's so far from being wrong.»
«He also said something like this, once.»
«The kids' father?»
«Yes, Nate. He said I am not wrong.»
«And he was right. Why don't you believe him?»
«I don't know. That's why I'm here. He keeps telling me nice things, but I struggle at believing him. It's becoming problematic, especially because we're trying to build something... We're dating right now.»
«If you think he's part of the problem, I'll need to know more about it. Are you okay if I ask a few questions about him?»
«Yes, sure.» There was nothing about Nate she wouldn't admit. He had so many bright sides, and he deserved to get back as much as he gave her.
«He's not your husband but your... boyfriend? Dating partner?»
«Yes, that's correct.»
«Since you have kids together, it's a pretty unconventional situation. It doesn't mean anything, though. Every person and every family is different from each other, after all. Do you feel like not being married is part of the problem?»
«It's not that I don't want to, Doctor Mason. Rather, it's difficult. I'm scared... What if he changes his mind and disappears? What if he finds out I'm not good enough, that he made a mistake and wants to leave me? I wouldn't survive it.»
«You can't avoid any relationship just because of the fear it'll end some day. You can't live in fear, Lara. Try focusing on the moment.»
«It's easier said than done,» she pointed out, a little disappointed.
If the solution was just that, she wouldn't have used her time and money in that way. She wouldn't be there, struggling with something she couldn't completely identify.
«Okay... I feel like the story is way more complex. But I don't want you to be traumatised during the first meeting. We should talk about it a lot, bit by bit, and we can analyse things together until we find the problem. Then, we will look for a solution together. Do you agree?»
«Yes, okay. Let's do that.»
Not that she could understand enough to have an opinion. What Doctor Mason said, she would do. Or she would just stop coming to the sessions and forget about that page of her life, just like many others.
«You and your partner aren't married, but you have kids. As far as I've understood, the reason why you aren't married is your fear that the relationship will break.»
Lara shook her head.
«No, not only that. We met by chance six years ago. Then, we parted ways and met again only a few weeks ago.»
«Oh... Could it be?» the doctor murmured. «Are you perhaps afraid he'll leave you alone just like back then?»
«I was the one leaving, doctor. Nate would have preferred if I stayed, judging by his words. He says he has serious intentions, and I believe him. Still, I can't get over the fact that I am not enough for him. I'm just a regular woman. There's nothing special to me, while he's... He's exceptional.»
«One doesn't need to be special to be loved. Also, having kids doesn't mean you should marry at any cost. It's up to you.»
«I know. But I do want to know him better. Still, every time we grow a little closer, I feel the same way. Nate says I'm not wrong; he says I'm okay like this. And I believe him. At that moment. But, when things settle down, and we prepare for another step in our relationship, then my fears return, and I ruin nice moments or trouble him with my doubts.»
«Are you sure he's troubled when you express your fears?»
«I don't know, doctor.»
«I would be perfect if I could talk a little with him...»
«No,» Lara refused, shaking her head vigorously. «Nate doesn't know about this. I'd like to improve and show him a better self one day, but he will never know how I solved my issues and became a good woman for him.»
«You shouldn't do it for another person, Lara. The only one you need to make proud and to please is yourself. Anyone else isn't relevant. Not even the kids or your partner.»
«I don't feel like I have to. They don't force me to improve. But I want to do it for them. For my kids. I've lived this long only thanks to them, and they're almost the only reason I continue living. Oh, they were until a month ago.»
«What happened then?»
«I met Nate again.»
«And? What has changed since then?»
«I changed. I am not my kids' only pillar in this world. They also have a father now. Isn't it better?»
«It surely is,» the doctor agreed. «And how does this make you feel? Have you lost the will to live?»
«Oddly enough, I haven't. I'm not clear about what happened, but I'm just as fine. Every second I spend with them is special and invaluable. Maybe, it's because now it's our choice?»
«I have another question for you. If you agree, we can start talking about it until you're tired or time is over, but I'd not overdo it for today. Are you tired?»
«I'm all right, doctor.»
«Where are your parents in all this story? Your birth family... You said you were alone with your kids until your partner reappeared. Where were they all this time?»
Lara sighed. She tried to smile but failed.. The hard part of the therapy was yet to come.