Chapter 1187: 18.25 First Grey Star - Melancholy at night
When night comes, Mo Xuejing assists Ye Jieye in putting the cubs to sleep. The other young men, with the exception of Mo Yuhan, who had nowhere to stay, had all left this morning. Mo Yuhan was granted access to a guest room in the villa because of his cousin's advocacy. Later that evening, Old Mu invited his grandson to share a drink with him.
The two of them had a pleasant evening together, toasting the old man's special-grade red wine.
Ye Jieye understood that the old man must have something to say to him tonight and invited him out for a drink, so he waited until the elderly man expressed what was on his mind. There was a lengthy moment of stillness between the two, but none of them spoke first.
Old Mu said, "Xiao Ye, Lu Wangle is in this town. I can't send him away. Don't worry I won't let him approach your cubs."
"I know. Just do as you wish, gramps," Ye Jieye said.
Old Mu asked, "Xiao Ye, what is your relationship with Xiao Mo now?"
"We... are just... friends." Ye Jieye had an extremely hard time saying the last word as if he wasn't willing to say it at all.
Old Mu chuckled and said, "That's a long hesitation you have there, my boy."
"I'm a man with a blurred past. Without those old memories, to move on is impossible. Instead of hurting him because of an uncertain future, it's better not to start anything. Unless I recall my past and all that can hold back is gone, I cannot love anyone else. If he is willing to stay, I am willing to give him a place to remain. If he wants to leave, I have no right to stop him as well.
Gramps, don't force me. I will not change my mind," Ye Jieye said.
Old Mu sighed, "Even this old man doesn't know the way to return your memories to you. After all, you are the one who gave it up to save a life."
"I see," Ye Jieye said, but he asked no further about that forgotten past this original vessel had undergone.
He has made many mistakes in the past, hurting his beloved and causing harm to others, so his incompleteness at the time can be used as an excuse, but now that he is fully revived, he is unwilling to start anything that would cause harm to his other half. This is the true reason he does not accept Mo Xuejing completely, unlike whenever he met his wife's other incarnation.
Old Mu asked, "You aren't going to ask me what happened in the past?"
"No. When it comes to things related to me and my children, I only believe it if I see or experience it myself. Even if Gramps tells me what happened I don't know if that is the truth. It's not that I don't believe your words but it's better to see things that involve me myself." Ye Jieye said.
Old Mu sighed, "That's right. You've always been like this. Obstinate at things that involve you. Then I won't speak any further. See for yourself what kind of person you are willing to give yourself to with your own eyes. Get ready tomorrow.
I had a feeling that the gates to the Tornado Mountain Ranges would open by then. Be careful."
"I will. Don't worry. I will leave Roi here to help you look after Xiao Jing and Xiao Xia," Ye Jieye said.
Old Mu snorted, "Afraid I will be lost in numbers? No worries, I can kill them as long as I want to."
"Just don't die. As for the rest, I don't care," Ye Jieye said.
Ye Jieye may seem distant and apathetic toward most things, but toward those he considers family, he is even more protective than he is. Old Mu knew that if something were to happen to him, this young man would be the first to take revenge. He is happy knowing that he has such a position in this awkward man's heart.
Despite this indifference, the old man felt protectiveness behind his grandson's words.
Hahaha~
"Okay. This old man promised," Old Mu said.
---
Meanwhile, on the Second floor of the villa...
Mo Xuejing meets his cousin Mo Yuhan. They both had their own plans for the evening; one was going to call Ye Jieye to bed, and the other was going to report to this clan. They both wanted to remain unseen and were not expecting to overhear Senior Mu and Ye Jieye's conversation. They did not intend to listen, but they were compelled to hear what was said.
Even Mo Yuhan became interested when the conversation turned to Mo Xuejing. He suddenly stopped and listened to the senior asking what he thought of his elder cousin. When Ye Jieye stated that he could only see his elder cousin as a friend, Mo Yuhan became infuriated at first because he had already seen the closeness between Ye Jieye and his elder cousin when they were first together.
In their Mo Clan, Mo Xuejing had the status of a Saint; he was the most powerful of the younger generation and even a direct Bloodline; he was revered by all members of their clan, had only a lower rank than the Clan's Ancestor, and was well-versed in the events of the past as well as information that others in their clan were unaware of.
Mo Yuhan turned to see Mo Xuejing's face turn white at Ye Jieye's words, so when he heard what Ye Jieye said about denying the closeness of the two of them, he was truly angry. It was not until he heard the rest of Ye Jieye's words that he remembered, this man had no memories of his past, in other words, he is no different from a stranger when thinking of their clan.
He had long yearned to feel that things were not so cut-and-dry when Ye Jieye unmistakably drew a boundary between them—the line separating strangers from lovers—and Ye Jieye never crossed it, no matter how many times Mo Xuejing seduced him. As a result, he also ignored the majority of matters pertaining to their feelings beyond friendship.
Now that Mo Xuejing knew why the two of them were on the same page, he felt both happy and sad at the same time. Ye Jieye does not want to change their relationship because he values him. Ye Jieye does not have his memories back, not even the father of his children. He even forgot his feelings for that man, but he does not know when his memory will come back.
At first, Mo Xuejing would not deny that he only approached Ye Jieye for his cooking, but he could not help feeling that he liked the two cubs regardless of their relationship with Ye Jieye. After all, he understood that his children were the most important thing in the world, which is why he also loved the two cubs with all of his heart and treated them like his own children.
His cuisine is unique. It is the kind he longs for and finds nostalgic for a purpose. However, after moving into that tiny treehouse and sharing their everyday lives, Mo Xuejing realized what it meant to live for himself. There are no tasks to accomplish; all he has to do is eat, sleep, and play. Despite this, his life with them was never dull; rather, it was fulfilling. This is the life he longs for.
With more time spent together, Mo Xuejing began to understand Ye Jieye's character. He is apathetic toward almost everything, but he treats his family very well, showing them the utmost care and love—a complete contrast to his cold, uncaring attitude toward strangers. Mo Xuejing himself witnessed this stark difference in treatment.
Mo Xuejing still remembered Ye Jieye's startled and confused look that day, when the little princess, Anxia, treated him as her dad. That was the day that Ye Jieye first cooked pasta for him, and this man treated him worse than strangers.
Perhaps because he lost a hand as a result of his command, Mo Xuejing even felt a little bit of Ye Jieye's dislike until the little princess treated him as her dad.
Ye Jieye accepted Mo Xuejing for this reason as well; Mo Xuejing just did not think he would fall for this man first. However, the more he expresses his feelings for him, the more Ye Jieye distances himself from him. After they moved into that treehouse, Mo Xuejing and Ye Jieye began to integrate each other into their lives, making them see one another as no different than a family.
Mo Xuejing had always assumed that Ye Jieye's lack of acceptance was due to his dislike of him. However, after discovering the true cause of their separation, Mo Xuejing felt both relieved and helpless.
He could understand Ye Jieye's reluctance because, as someone with troubled memories, he would find it difficult to let go of the past and fear that it would have a negative impact on the present and future.
He is someone Ye Jieye likes but can not love because it would be unfair for him to say he loves him when he can not even remember what kind of person he was in the past; moreover, how does Ye Jieye expect to treat Mo Xuejing if his memories come back one day? He did not want to hurt him in the future and he is not willing to accept any affection or commitment until he recalls everything.
Initially, Mo Xuejing believed that Ye Jieye was only being kind to him because the cubs liked him. After learning of Ye Jieye's true feelings, Mo Xuejing realizes that he is not deserving of him at all and that he is selfish for wanting everything and not caring what the person he loves actually feels.
Mo Xuejing had already made the decision to stick by him regardless of Ye Jieye's love, so long as he was treated like a family member. Now he did not know what to do next after learning the truth.
Mo Xuejing's look right now is full of agony as if one could not handle it and the tears just flow uncontrollably while disoriented, which made Mo Yuhan, seeing his cousin's expression, anxious.
"B-Brother Xuejing, are you okay? Please don't mind his words. It's not your fault, he is the one. Why can't he like you like how you do? This is simply unfair." Mo Yuhan said.
Mo Xuejing said, "I'm fine. Don't worry. Don't blame him. It's me... I... I shouldn't like him."
"I can't understand! Why can't you like him!? Just because both of you can't recall anything that happened that day..." Mo Yuhan said but he was too angry to understand what he just said. Even his words surprised Xuejing himself.
Mo Xuejing was stunned and grabbed his cousin's shoulders with urgency, "Yuhan! What do you mean just now!? Can't recall? Are you telling me there is something wrong with my memories as well?"
Mo Yuhan felt he should not have said that, and his face went white at this question. He knew he had just made a slip of the tongue and was being questioned by his older cousin, but he closed his mouth and refused to admit the faults he had committed that day.
Upon observing his response, Mo Xuejing sensed that his clan was keeping further information from him.
"You are not willing to tell me?"
Shaking his head tremblingly, Mo Yuhan said that his silence and his body language answered all of Mo Xuejing's questions. Seeing how scared Mo Yuhan is, Mo Xujeing speculated that he might have been told not to talk about this subject. Rather than pressuring his cousin to talk, Mo Xuejing chose to return to the clan to get the full story after this hunting assignment.
With a heavy heart and a sense of powerlessness, Mo Xuejing let go of Mo Yuhan and said, "Go back to sleep. We will be leaving early tomorrow." He also took his leave and headed back to his own room. His lonely back made Mo Yuhan even more guilty as he is.
Mo Yuhan covered his face and whispered with a voice full of regret, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."