Chapter 15: You
"We all are," I said.
She looked at me as if I had said something terrible. Perhaps I did. I messed her hair up and smiled at her.
"What is it, my bride?"
"Nothing," she said and shook her head hurriedly.
"Are you afraid of me?" I asked.
"No... It's not like that."
"Then what is it like?"
"I don't know. You're so hard to read, but I'm not afraid of you," she muttered, but she was not so sure of that herself.
"It's better if you don't be. I won't hurt you," I said.
"I know."
"Good girl," I said and kissed her on the forehead. She was taken aback. Other times I had to see her from far away, but now that she was in front of me, just a few inches away, it was hard for me not to touch her. Even though I wanted more, I could satisfy myself just by holding her hand, at least for the time being.
"Do you only have your mother, sister's family, uncle, and aunt here in the castle?" she asked.
"Well, Evelyn and her husband don't really stay for long here. They travel a lot. But their daughter stays in the castle sometimes and sometimes goes with them. It depends on her mood. And her mood changes a lot. And aunt and uncle live here too along with their son."
"But I haven't seen your cousin."
"He is... He goes here and there. He will come back. There is no need to meet him anyway," I said, feeling disgusted at the thought of him.
"Why do you say that? He is your cousin," she said.
"It doesn't matter. Anyway, let's go. We'll have some food. It's almost lunchtime."
"Will you show me the roof first?"
"You want to see the roof?"
"If it's not a problem..."
"No, it's not a problem, not for you. I'll take you to the roof, but not now. I'll take you there tonight."
"Why not now?"
"You'll see," I said.
I knew my talking intrigued her, but I enjoyed seeing her expecting something. I wanted to see her surprised while, I also wanted her to be sure that I would never hurt her.
"Okay. You're not going to push me off the roof, right?" she asked and quickly clapped her hand over her mouth. She did not want to say it for sure. But it did not matter. She could not trust me and she had a reason for it. I was a stranger anyway.
"I'm sorry. I was not...," she panicked.
"Blue," I said calmly. "Don't be sorry. I understand that it's hard for you to trust me. Besides, I'm a stranger who you have never seen before, but are going to marry. You should behave like this. I would be surprised if you didn't behave like this.
But please give me a chance and try to trust me. You don't have to fully trust me, but just a bit. I'll manage the rest. I'll make you trust me, my bride."
She gulped and nodded. "Are you not too hungry?" I asked.
"Not like I have to eat right away."
"Then I better show you the rest of the castle," I said and led her out of the library, holding her hand. I did not want to let go. I knew that even though she felt a bit uncomfortable in holding my hand, she felt safe with me. She was still pondering in her mind if she could trust me or not. I smiled slightly.
"Don't worry, my bride. You will trust me soon. You will like me, like the way I like you."
"You like me?"
"Oh, sweet Blue. Isn't it obvious? I like you and that's why I want to marry you," I said.
"But why do you like me? I have nothing that can make someone like me."
I sighed. If only she knew how much I wanted her since the first time I had seen her, if only she could hear how my heartbeat increased every time I laid my eyes on her, if only she knew how much I wanted to kiss her, if only she knew how much I wanted to mark her as mine!
"Don't ever say that, my bride. You're everything anyone would want. Shame that they can't have you. You're made for me and you'll always be mine. It doesn't matter if I mark you as mine or not, you are destined to be with me and no one can change destiny, the destiny that's chosen for them," I said.
"Then tell me, why do you like me?" she urged.
"Because everything you do, everything about you, makes me want you," I said, and she looked at me in disbelief, but I was sure that she felt the words to her heart.
"Do you have arrow loops here?" she asked.
I chuckled. She must be desperate to change the subject. "No. We don't need that. Did you forget that we're werewolves? We fight claws to claws, fangs to fangs like beasts.
We're not human, Blue, nor we behave like humans. It doesn't matter if we look like humans; we're never humans. It doesn't matter what the situation is or where we are, we're always beasts and we're always going to be beasts."
"But I'm not one of you. How will I survive?"
"What do you think I'm for? I'll save you," I said. "I'll always save you."
She looked down at her feet as we were passing the corridor towards my study room. I stopped and glanced at her. She seemed to be thinking if she should tell me something or not. But the fact was that... I already knew what she wanted to know.
"Don't be concerned, my bride. I'm the beast you shouldn't fear. I'm the beast that won't kill you. Rather I'm the beast that would do anything to save you. You don't have to save yourself from me, my little bride. I won't hurt you."
"You lied to me," she mumbled.
"I never lied to you, my bride," I said calmly.
"You said you can't read my mind. But you can_ every time."
"That's not the matter, my bride. I just_ know you more than anyone else. I can read people, but you're the one I know most perfectly."
"How?"
I did not say anything. How could I tell her that I had spent so much time observing her that I knew what she wanted, what she thought, without even asking her? I just smiled at her and took her to my study.
"It's your study," she said, gazing here and there. "It's so perfectly decorated. You must have a lot of servants."
"I have a lot of servants, but no one comes into my study except it's urgent."
"You decorate and clean it yourself?"
"Yes," I replied. "Is it hard to believe, my darling bride?"
"A bit. You are good at this. It's just perfect," she said.
"You can come here anytime you want."
"But I don't have any business here or there is no emergency."
"My bride doesn't need a reason to go somewhere in my kingdom. She can go wherever she wants," I said and lifted her chin up. "My place is your place too, my bride."
"You have a lot of books here too," she said, looking at the bookshelf.
"What can I say? This head of mine won't calm down if I don't read something. But now I think I've found something else that can calm both my head and heart down."
"Really? What is it?"
"You'll know soon."
"You're very_ mysterious," she mumbled.
"You'll love my mysteries soon, my bride," I said and smiled at her. She was truly intrigued by me. I had to admit that she looked kind of adorable, with her mind racing with thoughts and unknown anticipations from me.
"Do you stay here most of the time?" she asked.
She was always trying to change the subject whenever I told something that intrigued her. I did not blame her. People always found it hard to understand me. But she was going to understand me soon. Even though I was not sure if I wanted her to, but I was sure about one thing; I would not be able to stop her.
"Yes, most of the time."
"It's a good place to spend time in. But what about your family? Don't you spend time with them?"
"I prefer alone time," I said. "But things have changed a bit now. I prefer company now, just one particular person's company."
She looked at me with a questioning look on her face as she asked, "Who?"
"You."