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Chapter 182: Fear and Trust

Besides, I still needed to grab that Arcane Spell Crystal.

I sat down, leaning my head against their exterior wall and exhaling a breath I felt like I’d been holding in for a long time now.

Index. What in the thirteen fucking layers of the hells was that?!

“Sorry, uh…what was what?”

Your whole…thing. You kept fucking screaming at me to kill them. What in the hells?

“I very intentionally was speaking at a completely moderate tone, actually. If I was screaming, you wouldn\'t have been able to hear them, and the negotiations would have gone bad. I very purposefully took care to never negatively impact the plan you were trying to do. I just tried to get you to see my argument.”

You had a mental breakdown inside of my head!

“I worded my points in a way I felt you would find persuasive.”

What?!

“Listen. You have already shown me that sometimes, when it\'s a decision with ‘ethical ramifications’ or whatever, you don’t listen to reason. What am I supposed to do, then? It’s my job to try and give you reasonable points so you can make a reasonable decision. And you’ve even asked me to assist you with these real-world scenarios, too! So I’m left with a job to do, and you won’t let me do it!”

You can still just list those logical points, and then let me make the decision myself.

“You’ve shown me you won’t listen to me if I do that! Your Level 20 Talent Choice is a perfect example. You refused to pick the option that provided the most safety to you in lieu of an option which, instead, helped you keep your two companions alive. I tried to show you that it was a suboptimal choice, but you refused to listen to me. In that case, it wasn’t a horrible decision, just suboptimal.”

I’m not going to always agree with you, you know.

“Sure. But if you don’t agree with the objectively correct option, then that means you made a mistake. And if I allow you to make a mistake, that means I, too, made a mistake. Because I couldn’t convince you successfully. So I needed to revise my strategy. This was an extremely important decision. I know you got lucky with being able to convince them, but you do realize that, had you not been able to, you would have died. One hundred percent. You understand that, right?”

Well, yeah, I guess. But—

“If you died, that would’ve been it. I absolutely needed you to understand, if convincing them did not work, you had to kill them. I can see into your mind. I could see that you were not planning on doing that. So I had to convince you. And you’ve shown that doing so using my previous methods is simply not reliable. So, instead, I used a different method. Personally, I think it was clever. Whether or not you appreciate it. Basically, I noticed that it wasn’t like you didn’t understand the logic I’d presented to you in previous situations. You totally understood it, but you just didn’t care. It was like your emotions were overruling the logic you saw. So basically, I just tried to overrule your emotions.”

I sighed. So, what? That was all just some ploy to get me to do what you wanted?

“What? No. Like I said, I just worded my arguments in a way that I found to be most persuasive. In this case, that meant repeating myself over and over, speaking in direct commands like ‘kill them right now,’ and using flawed moral arguments like ‘he deserves it’ and ‘you can’t trust him’ to hopefully block your emotions from becoming strong enough to override your logic.”

You’re basically just saying you tried to manipulate me into following your orders, you realize.

“Exactly! And it was so blatant on purpose, too! Ugh, if you’d just killed them, this would have gone perfectly. See, I realized that there was a pretty massive hole in my plan. If you killed them, you’d feel horrible. That kind of decrease in quality of life is exactly what I’m supposed to prevent! But you’d only feel bad if you felt like you were the reason those men died. So, I used extremely blatant tactics to, as you said, ‘manipulate’ you. Stuff that might convince you to act in the moment, but right after the deed was done you’d instantly realize what I did. So then, all the blame would be on me! It was completely my fault they died, you can insult me, berate me, do whatever, and then you don’t live with lifelong guilt. Your life is saved, and you don’t feel horrible about yourself. And hating me for pretty much being a murderer doesn’t decrease your happiness at all.”

I frowned. That was…surprisingly sweet? Like, obviously Index was still trying to convince me to kill three innocent people, but…I supposed it was also willing to fully take responsibility for those actions, and it kind of just did it to keep me safe, so…maybe it was okay. Or maybe not?

Index, I don’t…I shook my head, trying to sort out my thoughts. Don’t ever do that again, please. I get that you weren’t trying to hurt me, I guess, but that’s just…not okay. Please don’t try to override my thoughts, or whatever you said you were doing.

“Yeah, I mean, it was unsuccessful anyway. Now I just have to figure out a new way to convince you.”

No, like, please just let me make my own decisions. I groaned, trying to figure out what I could say. Just go back to arguing with me in a normal way, if you want. I know it’s your job to try and convince me, so I won’t tell you to stop doing that. But whatever you do, don’t try to compromise my thinking. If you want to give me new information, try to show me a new way of thinking about it. That’s fine. But keep it to a normal discussion.

“Hm. Well, technically, I’d say what I was doing wasn’t compromising your thinking, but rather attempting to prevent your thinking from being compromised by your emotions. But I suppose that’s fair. I’ll do that in the future.”

I nodded, leaning back against the stone wall once again. Thank you.

Now that that was done, I messaged Ainash and asked her to relay what I said to Erani, explaining the situation between me and the guards.

“Do you need help?” Ainash responded once I was done. “Can come over and kill the Humans.”

“No, I don’t think I’ll need you to do that. I’m keeping tabs on them for now, and I’ll probably be sticking around here all night to make sure they weren’t lying when they said they wouldn’t do anything.”

“Okay, will tell mother!”

“Thanks.”

From inside the outpost, I could hear Bon murmur to the others, “Do you really think he’ll…kill us?”

“Don’t see why he wouldn’t, with the shit you were spewing,” Jannin grunted. “You were threatening his life, man. Can’t be surprised when he retaliates.”

“Oh, don’t you go in on me, too. I’m a little skeptical that he’s telling the truth and suddenly the whole world’s against me? Shut up.”

“Man, you are so flamin’ stupid. Don’t pull any bullshit with that guy anymore. Don’t wanna get killed in my flamin’ sleep because you can’t tell the difference between skepticism and bias.”

There was a moment of silence, before Poppins spoke up. “Jannin, you don’t actually think he’d do it, do you?”

“If we don’t keep our mouths shut? ‘Course. Honestly, even if I did think Annor waslying, I still wouldn’t think we should say anything.”

Bon snorted. “Coward.”

“No, think about it. Why was he here? Bon, what was he even doing when you found him?”

“...Walking away. I dunno.”

“Yeah, so why was he all the way out here? I think he knew we knew. He found out somehow. The day we hear about this, and he shows up? Not some flamin’ coincidence, I’ll tell you that.”

“I mean,” Poppins interjected, “it’s completely possible that it was a coincidence. Not everyone is some big bad government spying on the people.”

“No,” Jannin said, “that’s wishful thinking. No way he didn’t know.”

“How would he even know?” Bon asked.

“That’s the question,” Jannin said, voice getting low. “How did he know? Divination Spells? He’s got all kinds of weird magic, we don’t know shit about what he can do. Maybe he snuck some Enchanted items in here. He could be watching us right now. Maybe one of us is a rat, selling info to him.”

“C’mon,” Bon said, “that’s ridiculous.”

“You heard what he said,” Jannin said. “If we snitch on him, we die. You really think he isn’t gonna make sure we keep our mouths shut? Nah. I say, the moment we open that book and try to write back to command, we die before the pen hits the paper. Won’t even see him coming.”

There was another beat of silence between the group.

Honestly, Jannin wasn’t entirely far from the truth. At least, with the whole ‘he could be listening to us right now’ thing. Though my methods just weren’t nearly as advanced as he suspected. And I had Time Loop as a decent safety net. If I kept as many uses ready as I could, and then one day some law enforcement randomly tried to arrest me, then I’d know they ratted on me. Then, I could use every use of Time Loop I had available and go back up to eighteen hours, which would probably be long enough to go catch them before they ever said anything.

At least they didn’t seem to have any plans to tell anyone about me. But I’d need to stick around all night regardless if I wanted to get that last use of the Arcane Spell Crystal. So I made myself comfortable, waiting for them to go to sleep.

While it may have been easy for Bon and Poppins to find comfort in the dark night and doze off, Jannin had no such luck. Lying in bed, he couldn’t help but shiver as his mind raced with the possibilities of being spied on, being betrayed by one of his friends, being killed in his sleep for knowing too much. Maybe that Annor guy would change his mind and come back to slit their throats, or use whatever assassin magic he had.

Jannin had only seen the man fight twice, and both times it was terrifying. When he first punched Bon, he seemed to have cast several different Spells on Jannin’s poor friend, considering the way Bon had gone out cold for so long afterward. And Annor had even said something about having Cursed the man. Then, the next day, when he’d saved Bon from the Gloomspur, it seemed like all he’d needed to do was brush his hand up against the beast’s skin before it dropped straight to the ground. No chance at resistance, no chance at life. He just decided the thing should die, and it…did.

He understood his fear was at least slightly unjustified—what were the chances Annor was seriously going to sneak in here at night and kill them all in their sleep, after all—but that small irrational part of his mind couldn’t help overanalyzing every little bump in the night.

He just shut his eyes tight, trying to ignore it. He’d never get any sleep, at this rate. And then all tomorrow he’d be pissed at himself for—

Thunk.

A boot on the stone floor.

Jannin’s eyes shot open, scanning the room. In the pitch-black of midnight, he couldn’t see anything. And he knew Annor wore that damned Demonic armor that seemed to become invisible in the dark. But he didn’t hear anything else, and his paralyzing fear prevented him from actually getting up to investigate, so hesitantly, he slowly began to close his eyes once again.

And then a wisp of smoke trailed up from seemingly out of nowhere in the middle of the room.

Jannin’s face drained. Was…was that just a hallucination? Maybe his fear was making him see things. In the darkness, practically anything could look like—

Another wisp of smoke trailed out of what he now recognized to be a conspicuous patch of black in the middle of the room. It was like that one spot absorbed all light within, preventing Jannin from even seeing the smoke while it was there. But as that smoke rose out of the patch of darkness, it suddenly became possible to see—just barely.

The patch of black shifted forward.

Thunk.

A boot lightly impacted the stone floor again. It was quiet—so quiet that one could just barely hear it—but to Jannin, it felt like the loudest noise he’d ever heard. He struggled to control his breathing.

It was him.

Thunk.

Annor took another step forward. Was he heading for Bon? To kill him? Jannin hoped to the gods above that the man didn’t realize Jannin was awake. In the darkness, it would probably be impossible to see that his eyes were open. And if Annor was just after Bon…Jannin hated to think this way, but there was nothing he could do to save him. The best he could do was pretend to be sound asleep, and hope Annor only held a grudge against one of them, not all three.

Thunk.

The mass of darkness moved forward again, as though it were coming to consume everything in its path. And in that moment, Jannin realized that, when he traced the line of the mass’s movement, it was headed straight toward…

Thunk.

Two paces away. It loomed over Jannin’s sleeping body, staring at him as though it knew he was awake. As though it was just doing this to toy with him.

Why not make it quick?! Jannin begged silently. Why force me to confront my life like this?! You think this is some mercy, giving me an opportunity to realize I’m about to die?! You think I can make my peace in this moment?! It’s torture, what you’re doing to me! Torture!

Thunk.

“...Please,” Jannin whispered, so quiet the sound barely even left his mouth. “Please don’t.”

The being stopped, looking at him. Almost curiously. How was there even a real Human being in that suit of armor?! It moved like a monster, like a beast gazing at its prey. As though it barely even regarded what it was looking at as a fellow living being.

“Spare me,” Jannin muttered. “I’m begging you.”

“...You’re awake.” The terrifyingly-calm voice echoed out of the armor. “That normally doesn’t happen.”

Normally?! How many times had this horrifying being watched him in his sleep like this?!

“I’m not going to kill you,” Annor’s voice said.

“Don’t kill Bon,” Jannin begged, his voice shaking. He was just a guard! He wasn’t supposed to deal with things like this! “I know he was threatening you, but I promise he understands now. He gets that you’re not what they said you were. He knows what you’ll…what you’ll do to him if he says anything. I talked to him, I promise we won’t say anything.”

“I’m not here to kill anybody.” The voice of Annor almost sounded sheepish, like he wasn’t expecting to have to talk to someone. In a way, that made this whole thing even scarier. Just what was he used to doing, if a normal conversation made him so uncomfortable? How did he normally pass the time? “I…just want you to give me something.”

“Okay,” Jannin said, only half relieved. Perhaps he’d read too many bard’s tales over the years, but part of Jannin’s mind still expected Annor to say ‘I just want you to give me your SOUL!’ before ripping his heart out. He forced the words through his throat, “What do you need?”

“...Your Arcane Spell Crystal. Don’t worry, I’ll—”

“Okay, absolutely,” Jannin gasped for air for what felt like the first time all night. Was that seriously all he wanted? Digging frantically through his pockets, Jannin eventually found the damned thing and held it out to the standing figure that stared on at him.

After a moment’s hesitation, Annor reached out and took it.

“Th-that’s all you need, right? You’ll leave now?”

“Um, yeah,” Annor said. Barely through the dark, Jannin saw his helmet turn, looking down at the Crystal in his hand and then back up at Jannin. “You…don’t mind that I’m taking this from you?”

“You kidding me? I was gonna use it to get a Spell Upgrade that gives me some flamin’ apples for free every now and then, man! It was for snacks! Take it, take the food outta our pantry, raid our alcohol, I don’t flamin’ care, man. Just don’t kill us!”

“Uh…okay. I mean, you’re really not upset that I’m taking it? You’re not going to miss it?”

“No, man! As long as you leave us alone!”

“...Sure. Okay. Uh, see you.”

With that, the nightmarish black armor turned and walked out of the building.

Jannin was left staring at the wall, still shaking. He’d gladly throw away a hundred Crystals if it meant he didn’t have to go through that ever again.

I walked away from the guard outpost, somewhat surprised at what’d happened. I mean, it wasn’t like I was expecting Jannin to fight me to the death for the Crystal, but…he gave it away so easily. Barely even seemed to care about losing it.

Normally, I’d use the Crystal and then go back in time so Jannin still had it. But now, I was considering a different option.

Gravity Well was the last Arcane Spell I needed to Upgrade. So I wouldn’t have any need to hold onto the Crystal after using it on that Spell. But I knew someone who did have an Arcane Spell, one which I knew would receive a massive boost in power once it finally hit Rank 10.

“Hey,” I messaged to Ainash. “Tell mother I have a present for her. I really think she’ll like it.”