Chapter 437 CH 423: I DO NOT FEAR
Letting the cold water wash over her, Tsubasa focused on her inner world, while her hands were placed together and she was seated in a lotus position.
The weight of the water, the thunderous sound of the crashing waves, the coldness, none of this could disturb her as her mind seemed to sink into complete darkness.
"Form is no other than emptiness. Emptiness no other than form."
Even though the water should have washed away any words she uttered, anyone standing close to her would be able to hear them as clearly as day.
"Form is only emptiness, Emptiness only form."
This was her mantra, part of the Mahayana sutra — the [Heart Sutra][1]. One of the cornerstones of the Hanekawa family and the reason they joined the Heavenly Court.
"Feeling, thought, and choice,
Consciousness itself,
Are the same as this."
"All things are by nature void
They are not born or destroyed
Nor are they stained or pure
Nor do they wax or wane
So, in emptiness, no form,
No feeling, thought, or choice,
Nor is there consciousness.
No eye, ear, nose, tongue, body,
mind;"
The more she spoke, the less she seemed to care about the outside world. Her sense of self slowly stopped to manifest.
"No colour, sound, smell, taste,
touch,
Or what the mind takes hold of,
Nor even the act of sensing."
Her five senses stopped working. Though she was speaking, she could not hear her words. Though she was sitting, she could not feel her position. The feeling of water hitting her skin vanished, the same happened with the sound.
"No ignorance or end of it,
Nor all that comes of ignorance;
No withering, no death,
No end of them.
Nor is there pain, or cause of pain,
Or cease in pain or noble path
To lead from pain;
Not even wisdom to attain!"
Slowly, she started to realize. People were born alone and would die alone. This too was a reality that could never be rejected.
Her mind started to connect to something bigger. Something far larger than her own meager existence. Something she could not understand nor could even try to understand if she so wished.
A voice filled her mind. One filled with righteousness and exuberance.
[Until the hells are empty, I will not become a Buddha. Once all sentient beings are saved, I will attain Buddhahood. If I do not descend into hell, who will?] [2]
A man who reigned over all to take away the suffering of all in the world. Truly a selfless way.
But Tsubasa rejected this path. Her path was not one for the common good. But even so, her path was not one born from selfishness or a desire for riches and power.
She only had one wish. She only had one goal.
Usually. This was where she was forced to stop, unable to remember nor voice the following verse.
But this time, fueled by a desire of success, her voice did not stop. Her mind did not fail her and her body did not succumb.
"Attainment too is emptiness.
So know that the Bodhisattva
Holding to nothing whatever,
But dwelling in Prajna wisdom,
Is freed of delusive hindrances,
Rid of the fear bred by it,
And reaches clearest Nirvana."
She knew her path to Nirvana and would walk with her head held high and her pride soaring to the sky.
She wished to continue. Her lips opened to finish the sutra. But her heart constricted, and her breath hurried.
Slowly the sense of self started to come back. The oneness with the universe vanished and she found herself once again beneath the waterfall.
Her hair color changed, becoming a vivid white, pure like a flower unadulterated by the dust of the mortal world.
"It seems like you have managed to reach a new level this time."
Opening her eyes, Tsubasa ignored the words of her mother and looked up, the water did not obscure her as she witnessed the magnificent sight of six Lotus flowers blooming above her head. [3]
"How extraordinary."
Inari was surprised and clapped quietly but Tsubasa simply shrugged as she stood up and started to walk out of the waterfall.
This was not enough. Not enough at all. The path of her beloved would be fraught with uncertainty. She needed far more power.
"Huh. So you are jealous?"
Inari suddenly asked.
"I am not —!"
Ahem~
"I mean, I am not jealous."
Tsubasa who nearly lost all decorum cleared her throat.
"Though I am sad, he still did not try to contact me and I see that he is having a very good time with those wench. In the end, he will inevitably come to me and recognize that the two of us will forever be together. Our destinies tied by Fate."
"Fate? Haha. Do you think a King can be limited by Fate?"
"I care not of the Fate of the stars. I speak of the Fate of love. He is the one and I will make sure he understands this."
Inari gave a bitter smile. Her daughter was many things. But a sane woman she was not. The worst was that this insanity did not even come from the spirit imprisoned inside of her.
\'No. Should I say that the worst is how this obsession somehow makes her grow faster?\'
"Still, you are very suitable with the path of Buddha. Who would have thought that your obsession would translate to selflessness and open the path for you."
This was what made her speechless. One of the reasons she initially separated them was because she did not wish for Tsubasa\'s training to be disturbed. In the end, Tsubasa did not grow even one bit in years.
But the moment she was given permission, it was like a dam had burst and she was growing stronger faster than a rocket leaving Earth.
"I exist only for him. His happiness is my happiness. His joy is my joy and his sorrow is mine to bear."
"Sigh~Oh my, I guess it\'s only fitting for a King to enjoy both mother and daughter together."
"Mom!"
Inari laughed, enjoying this slight childishness of Tsubasa. Moments like this were rare but always appreciated.
In the end, though, she was not here to laugh,
"About your travel to France…Are you sure?"
"Did the Heavenly court act?"
"They advised all members to leave Paris for the coming month. It seems like something big will happen."
"Then all the more reasons for me to go."
Tsubasa smiled and started to walk away.
Many minds find her crazy, unable to understand her emotions.
But for her, such emotions were what fueled her and made this grey world full of colors and joy.
"A god might come. Even so, will you go?"
"A god?"
Tsubasa stopped and then exploded in laughter.
"They say, If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him"
She grinned murderously.
"I say — If a god comes then seal him."
[1]: Mahayana also refers to the path of the bodhisattva striving to become a fully awakened Buddha for the benefit of all sentient beings, and is thus also called the "Bodhisattva Vehicle". So studying this Sutra is one of the paths toward Buddhahood so to speak.
[2]: Those were the words of Ksitigarbha after listening to Shakayumi Buddha
[3]: the flower is considered pure as it is able to emerge from murky waters in the morning and be perfectly clean. It is also known to symbolize purity of speech, of the body, and of the mind.