BXBX NOVEL Chapter 331 - Because I want to
Chapter 331 - Because I want to
After Ghalenna’s group boarded Lucien’s ice floating ship, the mage girls started to take them towards Viset.
Due to Ghalenna’s attitude toward Lucien, she doesn’t have the sympathy of his wives, especially Ghilanna, who doesn’t think that her mother has changed much even after everything that happened.
Thus, with the ’tense’ mood between them, Ghalenna had no choice but to lean against the ship’s par.a.p.et and observe the view in silence.
Lucien flew to the ground to carry up Olivia and Astrid after they finished killing Lanzo, torturing him to their heart’s content, and then he sat on the ship’s par.a.p.et next to Ghalenna.
He doesn’t say anything and just watches the view silently beside her. However, she starts to get uncomfortable with that embarrassing silence.
"Your wives look at me with scary expressions..." Ghalenna comments in a tone that should sound funny but still sounds arrogant.
Lucien remains seated on the par.a.p.et while slightly flaps his wings to keep his balance. He looks at Ghilanna and his other wives while responding to Ghalenna. "Maybe this is less about how you treated me and actually about how you treated Ghilanna. My family is very close and knows how I feel about people who hurt the ones dear to me."
Ghalenna looks at her daughter with a sorry expression. "I never wanted things to end that way, but I had no choice."
Lucien sighs. "Having no choice... you know, I thought I was in that situation before; everyone must think that way often."
Then he looks at the sky. "But that is a big lie. A lie that we tell ourselves to justify the real reason for doing anything."
"And what reason is that?" Ghalenna asks with a funny expression. She doesn’t believe that Lucien is more than an idiot boy with an amazing sister.
Lucien looks into Ghalenna’s eyes and smiles. "Everything we do is because we want to, and only that. All the rest are hypocritical excuses that we will be willing to refute if necessary to have what we really want at any given moment."
Ghalenna doesn’t even try to understand Lucien’s words while she is furious. "You mean my grandma, my mom, and I agreed to marry stupid men that we didn’t love and spend our entire lives serving our clan to prevent hundreds of innocent families from being killed in an internal war just because we wanted to?"
Lucien raises an eyebrow, but before he can say anything, Ghalenna continues. "Do you mean that sacrificing yourself for the sake of others and accepting our responsibilities is not an act of altruism and honor, but just because we want to?"
She also raises an eyebrow, imitating him. "Do you mean that if I see a person drowning and help them, that is not because it is the right thing to do and a good deed, but just because I wanted to do it selfishly?"
After speaking all that quickly, Ghalenna pauses, and Lucien waits a few seconds before speaking. "As I said, that was hypocritical excuses."
She frowns, and Lucien quickly raises his hands. "Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that you are especially hypocritical or that it is a fault. We are all like that, and I will tell you why."
Ghalenna continues to gaze, upset at Lucien as he explains. "Your grandmother and mother, just like you, chose to sacrifice your lives in the way that you say not because they had no choice, but because they chose to do that because that would be what would please them most."
"Please us?!" Ghalenna asks.
"Yes," Lucien nods and then continues. "If you choose to live a free life as Ghalenna did, your people could suffer in disorder, and that would make you feel bad, wouldn’t it?"
Ghalenna quickly responds. "Of course! I would be sad to know that I could help my people, and I chose not to help. Yet that was not for me but for my people."
Lucien slowly shakes his head. "Lie. You’re just lying to yourself because it doesn’t affect me at all."
"Yo- you!" Ghalenna points the finger at Lucien as she gets even more furious and confused. "You don’t know me! How can you think you can say those things about my family and me?!"
Lucien remains calm. "I’m not saying bad things about you and your family specifically. I’m just trying to show my point of view about something."
"That looks like a bunch of bullshit to me!" Ghalenna responds.
Lucien goes on to explain. "Okay, let’s think you are someone else. Someone simple, which is sailing in unknown waters."
Ghalenna is silent and listens to Lucien, but she still looks at him with an upset expression.
He continues. "You see a drowning stranger..."
"I’m going to save them! That’s the right decision; there is no hypocrisy." Ghalenna interrupts Lucien.
Lucien shakes his head. "Just listen, okay? If those people were complete strangers to you and you didn’t feel a thing about them, you could have ignored them and left without it changing anything in your life."
"That would be cruel!" Ghalenna exclaims.
Lucien again slowly shakes his head, an act that is driving Ghalenna crazily annoyed. "No. Cruelty would be to enjoy their sufferings, or worse, save them just to abuse them later."
Before Ghalenna responds, Lucien continues. "But you would not be neutral, let alone cruel. You would help them, not because it is ’right to do’ but because ignoring them would leave a shadow of regret in your heart."
"Repudiating evil is what makes us good, isn’t it?" Ghalenna asks, not to Lucien but to herself.
"Maybe..." Lucien makes a thoughtful expression. "But the question here is what makes us do anything. The real reason for our actions. And that is only and exclusively because we want to."
He continues. "You would save those alleged victims from drowning because it would please you. You would be fine telling yourself that you did a good deed and are a good person when in fact you would save them selfishly so as not to feel bad but good."
Ghalenna is confused by Lucien’s strange logic. A part of her understands his point, but she cannot believe that it all comes down to selfish acts. "I’m not... Damn, what do you want to prove with all that bizarre logic?"
Lucien smiles. "Let me finish. Well, now taking into account that our actions are done only by our will to do them, you grandmother, your mother, and you chose to help your people in the first place, being good queens because that pleased your most. That could be really ’noble,’ but it was selfishness in the end."
Then he looks at Ghilanna and smiles lovingly. "But my Ghilanna did not want to please arrogant nobles or protect an entire clan to be happy. Her selfish d.e.s.i.r.es were just for a free life, to be loved, and to find a place to belong."
Lucien’s wives listen to his conversation and think deeply about his words. They agree that they are all selfish and hypocritical, but that is fine with them as long as they can stay with him.
He looks at Ghalenna again. "So, when you chose your so-called responsibilities instead of supporting your daughter, letting her go out, wander thought this world alone, you chose to be a queen before a mother, just because..."
"That pleased me most." Ghalenna completes Lucien’s sentence as tears run down her face.
"..." Lucien is sad as he sees Ghilanna’s sad expression.
He reaches out and gently wipes the tears from Ghalenna’s face. "Don’t be like that. Maybe all I said was a bunch of bullshit. I just find myself thinking about it... about how we are selfish and hypocritical... maybe it’s only me."
Ghalenna takes Lucien’s wrist to push his hand away, but she doesn’t do it while she cries. "No... you are right. I chose to help my people... to endure those noble idiots and to serve my abusive husband were things that I considered bad but necessary for the sake of everyone..."
Lucien begins to c.a.r.e.s.s Ghalenna’s face, and she does not stop him while she vents. "Anything that I didn’t like was side effects as long as I managed to get well because the happiness of my people pleased me a lot."
She looks him in the eye. "So my daughter... my only daughter... I considered her happiness to be unnecessary because I believed that what I like would also please her. I... told myself that we had no choice."
Lucien waits a few seconds before speaking in a low, calm tone. "I make mistakes; you make mistakes; we all make mistakes. But we have to learn from our mistakes and overcome."
His gentle smile and pleasant smell begin to calm Ghalenna. "How... how can you stay calm believing that everything we do is out of our own selfishness?"
Lucien laugh. "I’ll be fine as long as I can do what pleases me most."
Ghalenna can’t help but be curious. "And what pleases you most?"
He slowly rotates Ghalenna’s body and points to his wives. "They. The sake and happiness of my family is my selfishness. I will do anything... I will crush anyone, whether they are bad, neutral, or good people. For me, there is no hesitation, no honor, no good deeds, or hypocrisy. All that I do is for them because that’s what most pleases me most. That is, it’s all because I want to."
Ghalenna turns and looks Lucien in the eye again. "At least you are admitting your selfishness while I was lying to myself..."
Lucien smiles. "I had never said that to anyone or thought it out loud... I think that was enlightening for me too."
Ghalenna is even more confused without understanding how Lucien treats her so kindly even though she is so arrogant with him. It is incredible that he can criticize himself in that way just to open her eyes to a thought that may not be the right one, but it certainly made her rethink her actions from a new point of view.
"I... I need to think... that was too much." Ghalenna turns and runs to the other side of the ice ship as she doesn’t want to look Lucien and Ghilanna in the face while she feels so ashamed and confused.
As Ghalenna leaves Lucien’s side, his wives look at him with thoughtful expressions and kind smiles.
Cassidy laugh. "I must say, I never thought I would be so happy for someone to be selfish."
The other girls giggles while Angela also nods. "Continue selfish so, or rather, get even more selfish, please, hubby."
Lucien smiles at his girls, but his senses are focused on Ghalenna and Ghilanna. While the mother looks deeply sad but also thoughtful, the young elf also begins to see things from another point of view.
Ghilanna always thought that her mother made many mistakes, including not supporting her. However, now, with the thought that everyone is very selfish, she cannot help thinking about her selfishness by ignoring what her mother wanted and leaving their home for her own happiness.
She understands how it is not necessarily wrong to be selfish, but it is stupid to judge others because of their selfishness.
She gracefully smiles at Lucien before walking towards her mother. Maybe their relationship will never be good, but at least she doesn’t want to blame her for just following her d.e.s.i.r.es.
L.u.s.t flies around Lucien. "That was profound... it made me reflect too."
Envy also flies around him, clearly imitating L.u.s.t. "To make an arrogant and proud woman see that she is just a selfish bitch who screwed her own daughter... that was cruel as f.u.c.k."
L.u.s.t quickly comments. "Lucien destroyed the ice walls in her heart without mercy. But he will build new ones, now warm and with his name everywhere over it. From pain will come love, and everyone will be happier together in his bed."
"Poetic, my dear." Lucien smiles at L.u.s.t.
"What’s the problem with ice walls?" Lena asks while doing a fake upset posture.
"Humph!" Marie tries to contain her laugh.