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Chapter 86 Expectation and Loneliness

When Ye Qingxuan finally woke up, it was already dusk. He was in the school hospital. The Chorale musicians there told him that he was okay, but he used too much brain power and suffered from severe malnutrition. It did not seem like it was a big deal, but it was not a difficult illness either.

"Your fee will be waived. Thanks to you, we were able to practice a big surgery." The doctor rubbed his hands together excitedly before leaving. "If you can send some more rich boys here to be our little white…uh, to be treated by us, we can give you twenty percent off in the future!" With that, the door slammed shut. The only person left in the hospital room was the quiet Abraham.

He studied Ye Qingxuan, eyes unreadable, making Ye Qingxuan feel a little embarrassed. "Professor, what’s wrong?"

Abraham remained silent. His metal finger tapped against his knee, as if trying hard to find suitable, gentle words to communicate, but in the end, he surrendered to his lack of social skills. Sighing, he gave up. "Why didn’t you give it your all?" he asked straightforwardly, raising his head. "You went easy on him."

Ye Qingxuan froze, the smile on his face stiffened. "You could tell?" He scratched his face, wanting to relieve the tension in the air, but Abraham remained silent, waiting for his reply. He had let go at the most important point.

At that time, the Dragon Breath was still in the brewing stage. It had needed two breaths’ time to destroy the matrix, but that was enough for Edmund’s plan to backfire and for him to burn to a crisp in his own catastrophic fire. He would not have lived, and he would not be so hateful either. If Ye Qingxuan had been a bit harsher, if he had killed Edmund…

"It would be worse if I had done that, right? The consequences for killing someone are heavy. Their retaliation would probably be even worse, and you’ll face pressure and…" Ye Qingxuan stammered. But seeing Abraham’s eyes, he could not keep going.

Abraham gazed at him and asked softly, "Yezi, that isn’t what you were worried about, right?"

"Professor, I don’t understand," Ye Qingxuan said, getting upset. "Didn’t I put my all into it? I’ve already worked really hard. Look, I won."

"Winning is a result," Abraham said neutrally. "Giving it all you have is the determination to gamble everything."

Ye Qingxuan froze. After a long time, he lowered his head in defeat. "Professor, are you saying that I should’ve killed him?"

"Yezi, I don’t know how you view musicians, but we aren’t as saintly as people make us out to be. Sometimes, it is just another job. Some jobs are dirty and some are not, but even the cleanest musicians might not have clean hands. Do you understand?" Abraham gazed at him. "It’s never good to kill, but sometimes, bad things might be good decisions because no matter what you choose, you should never choose weakness. Weakness means that you can only survive on your enemies’ pity."

Ye Qingxuan said, "I…had a grasp on things."

"You won’t have a grasp every single time!" Abraham raised his voice. "Being weak in a fight between musicians is being irresponsible with your own life. Are your enemies weak to the point that you need to bestow pity on them?"

Ye Qingxuan hung his head, unable to refute him.

Seeing his gloominess, Abraham sighed and said softly, "I hope that was your last time doing that. Yezi, I don’t want to see my students die before me."

"I…" Head lowered, Ye Qingxuan answered, "I understand."

"It’s not the best time for this topic. Rest and we’ll talk later," Abraham said a little clumsily. He rose and bid Ye farewell. Before opening the door, he hesitated again and looked back at his student. "Yezi."

"Yes?" The youth raised his head.

"Congratulations," he said quietly, his expression filled with both awkwardness and happiness. "That’s what I had planned to say."

The door shut soundlessly.

--

After a long time, someone snuck in. Looking left and right to check that the coast was clear, they strutted to the bed. Picking up the fruit basket, they started munching.

Seeing the youth deep in thought, he whacked the back of Ye Qingxuan’s head, "Hey, kid, what’s up?" Charles lowered his voice and spoke like a weird drunk uncle, "Are you frustrated about the secrets of youth? Don’t worry, let me tell you…"

What he got in return was a middle finger. "Senior, I wish your intelligence level was a bit more stable."

"Oh, you seem fine! I got a bit worried when I was outside eavesdropping." Charles shrugged and patted his shoulders. "Relax a bit. Professor wants the best for you, just like me, right?"

"I know." Ye Qingxuan massaged his temples and rested back against the headboard. "That’s why I have a headache."

"Why?" Charles asked.

"You know, I…really hate it when other people have high expectations for me." Organizing his thoughts, Ye Qingxuan said quietly, "To me, expectations and anticipations make me feel that if I don’t do something, if I don’t reach a goal, or don’t change myself, I’ll be a big failure." He thought about the priest and his professor’s face and he could not help but sigh. "The more highly people think of you, the more disappointed they will get. Since that’s the case, why do they still have high expectations?"

"…That’s what you’re worried about?" Charles muttered. "Don’t be so zhong’er, Yezi."

"What’s zhong’er?"

"It’s a disease that lowers your intelligence and turns you into a hipster. In the late stages, you’ll think that only you can save the world. You’ll take on the big demon for your girl, or you’ll just want to destroy the world…"

"That sounds pretty good?"

"It’s actually not that bad." Charles sighed and scratched his head. After a long time, he looked up. "Yezi, you’re already seventeen years old. I don’t know how to tell you this: expectations might not be a good thing, but if you don’t want people to have high expectations, you’ll…be lonely."

"There’s nothing wrong with being lonely," Ye Qingxuan murmured. "I’m happy when I’m alone too."

Hearing this, Charles laughed as if it were a na?ve joke. "Yezi, you can be happy, and you can be lonely. But it’s impossible to be happy and lonely…" Quietly, he said, "…You’re lying to yourself."

--

Yunlou Chaoyue strolled down the quiet alley at dusk. She gazed around at the strange landscape of the foreign city. She lowered her head, measuring the length of each tile with her footsteps.

Behind her, the old servant followed her every step. Watching the princess’s backside, she wanted to speak but hesitated.

"What’s wrong, Nanny?" Yunlou Chaoyue gazed at her. "Is there something you want to say to me?"

The nanny lowered her head and advised softly, "Princess, you are a descendant of the skies, but this is a barbaric land. If something happens…"

Yunlou Chaoyue shook her head. "There’s no one else here. Nanny, you don’t need to call me by my title."

"But you are the Princess, how…"

Hearing her words, Yunlou Chaoyue nodded, suddenly realizing, "It seems that Yunlou Qingxi hasn’t told you anything."

The old servant’s features tightened. After a long time, she finally moved her lips. "P-princess, you are joking again."

"I am not joking." Yunlou Chaoyue halted in the quiet alley and looked back at her. "Isn’t your loyalty to my ‘uncle,’ the ‘true ruler’ of Yunlou City?"

The servant gazed at her silently. There was a pause before the fear in her eyes settled and turned cold. "Nothing escapes the princess’s eyes, as expected. But I don’t understand where I was mistaken."

The girl shook her head. "Nanny, you have done well. You are loyal and a hard worker. There is no mistake."

"Then why…"

"Nanny, do you know that the Westerners have a saying that the eyes are the windows to the soul?" Yunlou Chaoyue looked into her eyes, her gaze still cool as ever. "This saying is very accurate. Every time I look at your eyes, I feel that you are hiding something in your heart."

Taken aback, the servant sighed. "I see. Have you known…since the beginning?" She raised a hand and removed her hairpin, freeing her salt-and-pepper hair. Accompanied by the popping of joints, her stooped back gradually straightened. The age spots and wrinkles on her face trembled and writhed before finally disappearing. Under her skirt, her swollen muscles trembled, then tightened. Her bones expanded instead, hardening. The skin on the back of her hand tightened, turning scaly like a fish. In the blink of an eye, she was no longer an honest and humble servant woman. She had become fierce, her eyes sharp. Beastly faces swam about on her skin.

"Where are the others? Tell them to come out." Yunlou Chaoyue glanced around the small alley. "It’s hard to find a quiet place in Avalon."

Light footsteps sounded as soon as she finished. Two men clad in robes walked out of thin air from both sides of the small alley. They moved swiftly and their faces were blurry, seeming like ghostly spirits. One carried a pipa and was surrounded by dancing ghosts. The other had a huqin on his back and a cloud under his feet. Their strange bodies resonated with the outside world. All three of them were powerful musicians who had broken past the Barrier of Knowledge—Resonance Musicians.